Wow it's been a really, really long day.

I barely slept a wink last night.  I wasn't scared, just so anxious I couldn't relax.  Beyond anxious.  Ollie went to bed around 11.  At 2 I nursed her for 20 minutes because after 2:30 she couldn't nurse again.

We had to be at the hospital at 5:45.  We stayed at the connected hotel so at 5 AM I was so darn ready to get up we got ready and headed over.  At about 6:15 we went to a back room at same day surgery to get her length, some basic health stats, and to say our goodbyes.  The grandparents came back, so did Maggie & Kylie, then they gave us our time with Ollie.

Finally, at 7:30, her two anesthesiologists told Jade & I to give her our kisses and hand her over.  To say it was hard is an understatement.  It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I told Jade I hope this is the worst thing we ever go through together.  We prayed over her, kissed her, handed her over, and cried together.

We gathered ourselves and went to our waiting room to sit with our family.  We did a group prayer and they entertained us from there.  We got our first call at 9 to say surgery had begun.  It had taken a good hour and a half to get her hooked up to all of her IVs and to really get her sedated so they could start.  We prayed again.

Our next call wasn't until 11.  At that point they told us that the repair was complete (we were shocked at how fast this was done), and they were calling a cardiologist.  Basically today they put her on a lung heart bypass machine as he repaired her heart.  He patched her ventricle hole, then he made her common valve into two separate valves, and he then patched her atrium hole.  One giant hole in the center of her heart became 4 separate chambers just as it should be.  At that point they take her off of the lung heart bypass machine, the cardiologist did an echo cardiogram through her esophagus to make sure the repair is good (mainly the valves because they are the tricky part), then if they like what they see they close her up. 

Our surgeon has been blessed by God by a spectacular talent.  Every time we met him I couldn't help but think of the many, many lives he has saved with his two hands.  It's just breath taking really. 

They liked the repair so by 11:45 Dr. Huddleston was in our room telling us how everything went.  We were thrilled.  They said in about an hour we could see her.  Dr. Huddleston is our walking angel.

Jade & I rushed to eat lunch & me to pump & we practically ran to the Cardiac ICU parents waiting room.

I have never been so excited in my life.  Getting to finally see my sweet girl was better than any vacation, better than any Christmas morning, better than the birth of any of my children.  At the same time, it was extremely hard.  She is hooked up to so many things.  She has a central line in her chest (it's an IV that almost goes into her heart - it is stitched into place).  She has an arterial IV in her left arm, IV in her left foot, IV in her right arm, catheter, chest drain, and two wires that are a temporary pace maker inserted into her chest.

When we first saw her she was also on a ventilator, but breathing for herself.  It was there mainly as a precaution until they were comfortable removing it.  She was sedated.  She honestly isn't too swollen so far, but it's so hard to see your baby like that.  It took me awhile to get a grip on my emotions.

At 5 she finally was able to be extubated.  Previous to that her chest drain had a bit more blood than they liked, so they were giving her some clotting meds & plasma and platelets to help.  Until they were comfortable with her clotting they wouldn't extubate her.  Praise the lord they got better because she was fighting the vent & it was breaking my heart to see tears running down her face & an empty cry with a tube in her throat.

Now she's on oxygen & trying to sleep with morphine & Tylenol.  She moans a lot.  It's not from pain, although I'm sure there is a lot, but the nurse thinks the new environment and the "weirdness" of these meds make her feel funny which makes complete sense.  It's really hard to take.  I'd like to scoop her up and love on her because she wants me.

We can barely touch her or talk to her.  She gets too excited and makes her machines go crazy.  We can hold her hand or her foot, or just touch her head with our hand.  I can't talk to her, and I would love to.  She is so bonded with me, she adores me, but I can't stand to get her worked up when I can't hold her.

So pray that we have a good night, and pray that tomorrow she can actually eat - and that I am the one that gets to feed her.  I am dying to hold her little body.  Our main concerns right now are continued clotting, but overall "super squish" nicknamed by some of our favorite squibs, is kicking heart surgery butt today!

Thank you for the prayers & support.  Jade & I feel very loved.  We feel very blessed.  I have so many e-mails that I don't know when I'll respond, but know we read them all today and they were very inspirational!

Today God has given us an amazing gift, a successful repair, a healthy heart!  He heard our small cries for help, and he turned them into a mighty answer.  I give him all the glory, and he has blessed my family beyond measure.  Today was a wonderful day!