Let me start off this blog with a few comments.  I love my Dad.  He's the best Dad in the world & I can honestly say that because he'd do anything for us girls.  I adore him for more reasons than I could even list.  Saying all that, he's also very funny.  Guys love him because he says things most men won't.  He's brutally honest & well - he's done a lot of crap jobs in his life & everyone loves to hear a funny story about a crap job.  He's a farmer & he has the best phrases & pronunciations of anyone I know.  They are classic Stuisms and they make me smile.  I thought I'd share - Mom, sisters, Ellen - feel free to chime in - there are too many for me to remember alone.

Oh - and even though my Dad may speak like a hick at times & say funny things, he's a very smart man.  He often shocks people with his love of reading.  Don't let his tongue fool you - he can do amazing math in his head and read a mean novel in record time! 

Here Dad rocks a super vest at the Vest Christmas Ever!  Then he tops off his daily look with a pair of Mom's readers.  He has no qualms about wearing the turquoise ones with glitter on the sides - he's a real man and he can rock glitter - even in the bank.  It's hard to take him serious, but by golly he does it!

Quotes to live by .  By Stuart Fox, tiller of the soil, lover of the trees.  Witnessed by no other than me :)

Digging like a badger.

He refers to the bed as a "work bench" - he says things like this to get a rise out of us girls - it always works!

You can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets full faster - anytime you wish for something.

They don't know shit from shine-ola OR shit from apple butter.

When he's dead sure of something - he will always bet his LEFT nut on anything - I won it one time, but I don't know why he never bets his right one.  It's more productive I guess. haha

Kill'em all and let God sort them out - when something is competitive & you need to kick ace

You were just the sparkle in my eye at that time - when talking about us before we were born

I brought you into this world & I can take you out - I heard this quite a bit when I was a teenager!

Illinois - pronounced Ill-a-noise - yes he has always lived in this state

Toilet - pronounced French like Toil e ette

Useless as a boar with tits.  (For all you non-farm folk - a boar is a male pig - so why does it need tits?)

Sweating like a whore in church.  Yes - he's said that too many times to count.

Cold as a witches tit.  Apparently tits are a common word drop in his vocabulary.

Colder than a well diggers ass.

Heres the thing of it & heres the thing sis.  This leads up to his important talks.

Fries - as a plural pronounced fries - es

Congrantulations - just like its spelled people

It is what it is - this comes when you are having a discussion about something disappointing

It's like anything - this again starts a serious conversation

Tell him I said that - as I said before - the man is brutally honest & he wants you to tell everyone what he thinks - and honestly hes right most of the time!

Oh & this goes along with the last one - and I'd say that to his face

Smart's all in where ya are and what your'a doin

He's a good shit. 

Stiffer that a wedding night cock - (yeah he's said that more than once)

Sis - this is a name for me, Abbie, Maggie, Aubrie & Caroline - some how we always know who he's talking to.

Your ass is grass and i'm the f'ing lawn mower - I heard this one too many times when I was in trouble.  He knew how to put the fear of God in you with the point of his thick finger & the color change in his eyes. 

There's the blister, shows up after the works done.  He announces this to those who show up when the works done.

Son of a cup maker - I haven't heard this in a long time, but we have a paper cup factory in our town - so this statement makes perfect sense & is quite funny - I think anyway.

There are a few more, I left them out just out of pure courtesy.  They get a little more rough & inappropriate!  I was even shocked at some the boys told me.  I never knew Dad had any filter with us girls, but apparently there was a small filter on a few select words.  However, the F bomb is not included in that list.

Oh & Dad - if you read this - it's all in love!